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Friday, 19 February 2016

The Weary Kind

This is not a happy post.  Consider yourself warned!



Here is a clue about some recent events.



I took Wednesday, Thursday, Friday off work this week.  I've been feeling pretty exhausted lately.  I planned to bring Apollo to Coach D's place for bootcamp before our show.  I also wanted to catch up on a buttload of sleep.  I have been feeling super emotional about everything lately and I think that was likely because I'm pretty burnt out.  Now luckily for me I've only had happy things happen to be emotional about so far.  I almost cried when I got a text from a friend at Mystic's barn asking if they could blanket her because the weather was turning very cold (how nice is that?!).  And the notes from Henry's trainer have made my heart so happy (cried).  Apollo and I even did some nice jumping in a lesson with Coach D last week and I was pretty darn happy about (later thought about it and cried).  It's good to feel things, but this is not really what I'm like. 


I am a floating potato angel.



A few days ago another girl at the barn was asking what a splint felt like.... Apollo has an old "bone bruise" just below his right knee, so I was planning let her feel it because it feels like a splint (he has never been unsound on it, it's just ugly).  When I grazed his leg to find the bone bruise... I felt a splint. 

WTF.

It could be old or it could be new.  I brush Apollo's legs all the time because it's his favorite thing.  But his hairiness prevents me from seeing a splint.  I feel his leg quite a bit too, but not every day (although now I sure will be).  He hasn't been unsound at all.  He has maybe felt slightly stiffer in the warm up but that's about.  I suspect it's fairly new because it's actually been shrinking.



Apollo finds his pre-show bowl cut very embarassing.



I called my favorite barn friend/bodyworker/injury expert to check him out.  I trotted him on the cement and in the arena and she agreed that he's completely sound.  She thinks it's likely from him slipping on the ice and clipping himself (or maybe from a kick).  His current workload of 4/5 days a week rides for about 20-30 minutes and occasionally jumping a tiny cross rail is very unlikely to have caused it.

She did find some sensitivity on his check ligament and was worried about how close the splint was to his suspensory.  Her recommendations are to treat it with DMSO and give him a week off.  She's going to treat it with red light therapy as much as she can.  If the sensitivity of the check ligament hasn't improved in a week's time I'm going to call the vet for further investigation (ie. ultrasound etc).

Bad pic of shaved booboo area.



I guess the bright side is that he isn't unsound.  And it's really lucky that I noticed it.

On the non-bright side our show will not be happening.  I know that this isn't really a big deal but I am honestly so bummed out right now. 

In other not-so-great news... I have been considering bringing Mystic home from the trainer's barn.  I originally planned on keeping her there for the summer (so I could hitch a ride to the shows in the big trailer).  I'm really sick of the long drive and the trainer isn't available for as many lessons as I'd hoped.  At Coach D's barn I take weekly lessons on a lesson horse and now I've been put in with a group of girls who are really keen to jump.  As someone who is kind of nervous about jumping it pretty much makes me feel like a gigantic loser.  For example...



Coach D:  Should we raise the fences for the next round?

Other girls: YAAAAY!

Me:  ..... nooooooo



My husband is now 5 months without a job.  I'm just feeling like I don't know know if all these extras horse activities are worth the strain on our limited finances.  Especially when I'm not getting a lot of enjoyment out of it.



But this mare has been an absolute rockstar. 

 

I guess my three days off  work were not to re-charge my batteries.  Instead I'm enjoying a three-day pity party.

 :(

I hope to have good news to post soon.  If anyone would like to drive over to my house and give me a a kick in the ass/motivation speech...feel free!
 


26 comments:

  1. Ok, first:
    Total bummer about missing the show! But it sounds like what's going on with Apollo has been caught very early, and I bet he'll be A-OK in no time. Horses are horses, and they love to do things to themselves that will inevitably rain on our parade. (Trust me, Rio is the king of this!)
    Second: Might you be able to have Mystic with Coach D? Maybe you could get some private lessons that way on your own horse! Also, I totally get where you are with feeling that way about jumping. I'm always thinking NO BIGGER! (I know, I used to jump huge, but I'm a big ol' chicken on the inside.) Remember that your trainer won't have you do anything she doesn't think you can handle. Sometimes we have to push past our comfort zone in order to get better and move forward. Try to stick it out. Swallow the fear and see what you can really do! I can almost guarantee, after the first time over, it won't be so scary.
    Now, go groom some horses, feed them some carrots, and then come home and have a boozy hot cocoa. Chin up, things will be looking far more positive soon!

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    1. Thanks so much Stacie! I'm definitely very grateful that he's sound and we'll be even more prepared for the next show in the series (end of March).

      And yes I have thought about being coached on Mystic with Coach D. I was hoping I could get more instruction from her trainer (who knows her super well) but I think that going forward more lessons with Mystic and Coach D are on the horizon. I hope that I suddenly wake up braver about fences...we'll see! I will keep at it :) Yes boozy hot cocoa sounds excellent!

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  2. First of all I hope things get better and you get a chance to recharge your batteries. Second, horses are supposed to be fun. If you aren't excited to go see them I would say it is time for a reevaluation. Also, before you make any emotional decision about the horses based on money. Sit down and have an honest discussion about where she is at in her training, if you would feel confident taking over the ride, and what not. Nothing can ruin your confidence quite like a green horse and I would hate for you to lose yours.

    Fingers crossed for Apollo. Stinker popped splints on both legs prior to me purchasing him and I haven't had a problem with them. Hopefully it's just a little ouchy and will heal up quickly.

    I hope you can take a moment to breathe and things get better for you. Hugs and Stinker sends a lick. :)

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    1. Thanks! I actually had a much better day yesterday. I think just being so burned out made me kind of a basket case. And I totally agree, horses are supposed to be fun. I usually do have fun once I'm around them, it's just the overthinking of things/overreactions when I'm away from them that are bumming me out right now.

      That makes me feel better about the splint! I hope it heals quickly too. :)

      Thank you for the hug and lick! :)

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  3. UGH its the worst when you find something like that...its sounds like it will hopefully be a small blip that youll laugh about in a few months. DMSO is ALWAYS stocked in my first aid kit.

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    1. So frustrating but it really is a small blip. DMSO is my new buddy for sure! I had a bottle of the liquid in my first aid, but it's from like 1990 so I was worried it wouldn't work haha :)

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  4. That he's sound seems to be good news and perhaps don't worry so much about the splint. I know that when I'm tired I am not able to cope well. I need my sleep. So take the weekend off and just veg. And sleep..and veg etc. you need to do that before you get overwhelmed with all the what ifs. Bringing mystic back is a good thing. And it will be a challenge to you.

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    1. I am definitely doing the veg thing this weekend a bit. I already feel a lot better :)

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  5. Ugh, sometimes you just find yourself in a funk like that and it's hard to shake free. Total bummer about the show. I was really looking forward to hearing about it. Wallow in your pity party. Let it happen. Good things can't be too far away for you guys!

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    1. I was in the worst of my funk yesterday, I am already feeling a lot better today. All signs point to us going to the show in March instead, which isn't really that far away :)

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  6. I'm sorry this week hasn't been the best. Rest up and look after yourself! I think it's totally normal and healthy to reevaluate your goals and horsey situation every once in a while - or maybe I'm just saying that because I do it every few months myself :) Good things are coming your way, I know it!

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    1. I am trying to just veg a bit this weekend, I already feel a lot better. I do a lot of re-evaluating too! I think it's good to do! Thanks :)

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  7. aw i'm so sorry Kate, what a disappointment (on a few levels). i hope you are able to get some rest tho - hopefully that alone will make you feel better. good luck figuring everything out. and who knows, maybe once you and Apollo make it out to the next show, you'll feel even more prepared and ready to give it all you got!!

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    1. Thanks Emma! I think we will just be super prepared for the next one, which isn't too far away :)

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  8. I'm sorry you're having a rough time :( Burn out is really, really hard, and the only thing that can help it is proper rest, so I hope you get a mental break soon!

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    1. Thanks Lola, I am already feeling better after a lazy day today. I hope to be back to my old self soon :)

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  9. I'm sorry everything sucks right now. At least Apollo is sound.

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    1. Thanks, and yes that is something I am very grateful for. :)

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  10. :( So much sucky. If you want someone to chat with about the general suckiness let me know!! (email is on my blog). Sending good thoughts your way!!

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    1. Thank you so much, I will keep that in mind :)

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  11. Sorry to hear about the emotional/mental burn out, hope you find that balance soon- I'm an introvert so I need my alone time as much as I need to socialize lol Hope Apollo gets better quick and you guys can get back on track with shows. Sending good thoughts and hugs!

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    1. Thanks Grace! Things have improved a lot since writing that post, I hope to keep it that way :)

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  12. Late hugs!!! Ugh. Feeling poopy is the worst. Email me your number and next time I will send you cute overload pictured until you vomit sparkles and block me! (Now on to read latest post)

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    1. Yessssss that sounds wonderful :D

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  13. Ugh I feel you!! I get super emotional when I'm burned out and tired too... like right now. It's like a 24/7 pity party here right now (even my freaking dreams ugh)! I hope you feel better soon, that the splint heals quickly, that Mystic comes home soon and that you hubby finds a job really soon. My hubby lost his job because of an injury and he couldn't find work (that he could do with the injury) so he went back to school.... yeah it put us in even more debt, but the student loans kept us off the streets and he found a really great job. So I really do feel for you. Hugs!

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    1. Sounds like we have a lot in common! I feel you on the debt front big time. Hopefully things turn around for both of us soon! Hugs back :)

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